Picture this. You and your child are in a park. Your child runs to the kids play area to sit on the swing. Without provocation, another kid who is nearby pushes your child away and sits on the swing. Your child is shocked and starts crying. What would you do?

I am sure that nothing ignites a parents protective instincts faster than that of their child being hurt, especially if he or she has been hurt by another kid. Your first instinct may be to shout angrily at the kid and run and protect your child. You may also feel like pushing the other kid away.  

So what do you do?  Situations like this are tough especially when it happens in a public setting. 

Here are some suggestions to help you smoothly navigate pushing in the park, or even in your own home.

Calm down and pause before you react

 

 

Before you say or do anything at all, do pause. Take a deep breath and acknowledge what you are feeling. Then react consciously. While this may feel hard to do in the heat of the moment, it is important for you to react consciously than unconsciously since you are the adult here. Remember, your child models his/her behaviour after you. How you react in such a situation is exactly how your child will end up doing in the future as well. 

Do not judge or label the other child

 

 

In such situations, it’s very easy to call the child a “bad boy/girl” or that “your mean” etc. However, calling them names or judging the other child is not conducive for understanding why the child behaved the way he/she did. Try to reframe your thoughts instead. 

You may want to think to yourself, “Looks like this kid is seeking attention”, “She/he is doing this because she/he cannot communicate what they want properly”. You may also want to tell yourself to “stay calm, don’t get angry”. 

Reassure and encourage your child

 

 

Comfort your child, listen to him/her and give your child your complete attention. You may be feeling angry, shocked, upset towards the other child, but you need to comfort your child. Let him/her feel comforted and listened to. 

For example, you can say, “Oh oh, now you were not expecting that isn’t it” or even “that hurt didn’t it”. Let them talk to you about how they feel. 

You child also needs to understand that people are good at heart. It is not good to teach a kid that someone else is bad. Nothing good will ever come out of it. Instead, offer them another perspective. For example, you may want to say “You did not do anything wrong. I think that child is angry because he wanted to use this swing, let’s use another one”, or “Its ok, looks like she wants to use that swing really bad. Let her use it first, then you can have it.”

Let your child know that, “You did not do anything wrong” and that the other child probably did not get noticed.  It’s ok if the aggressive child hears what you said as well. You not being aggressive but being compassionate instead can surprise the violent kid and calm them down.   

Physically protect your child 

 

 

If the other child continues to hit or threaten your child, protect your child by stepping in between them and explain in a firm but not so loud voice to stay away. For example, you can say that “This swing is for everyone to play, so you have to take turns to play”.  

Empower your child to speak out

 

 

In a situation where another child continues to trouble your child, tell your child to speak up for him/herself. For example, if a child is constantly pushing or shoving your child, you can softly tell your child “Are you okay with that? You can tell him or her ‘don’t push me’ or ‘I’m playing with this now, you can have it when I finish playing.” 

If required, speak to the parent of the child

 

 

You don’t have to fight or get nasty, but tell the parent what their child is up to in a calm and composed manner. You can say, “Looks like your child really wants to use the swing, but my daughter/son is using it now. We will move out in ten minutes and he can use it after that.”

Most parents usually will talk to their child or move them to another spot. 

This is also a great way to model behaviour to your child. The way you react shows your kid what they need to do in a conflict situation.  

Conclusion 

Kids do fight when they play and most often than not, they resolve their issues on their own and move on. However, there are times when you as a parent will have to step in to help you child. Make sure to help your kids find their voice so that they can take care of themselves without attacking the other kid. Stay grounded, stay calm and deal with the issue in a calm and compassionate manner. 

That’s how we, and our children can help transform the world we live in, by being more empathetic, compassionate and dealing in love than in anger. 

Good luck and happy parenting!