Today, we are in the practice of labelling and organizing things, at home or work places. Attaching labels to boxes and containers are effective organizing strategies. However, we as parents do tend to knowingly or unknowing attach labels to our kids as well. This can be counterproductive and leave a negative effect on children. 

As parents, we find ourselves labelling our children all the time. Most often we add adjectives, positive or negative, to our children when we address them or talk about them. Some examples of the labels we use are “good”, “shy”, “quiet”, “introvert”, “naughty”, “careless”, “lazy”, “trouble maker”, “bad boy/girl”, etc. Though, sometimes labels are used with a positive intention, like, to encourage or applaud a child, labels most often than not tend to create damage than do good. 

Most parents are unaware of the dire impact and consequences labelling can have on children. Here are some points which talk about the negative effects labelling can have on children.

Labelling hinders us from connecting with our children.

 

 

We tend to label our children based on their frequent behavior. For example, a child who is prone to creating a mess is called a clumsy child, a child who gets into arguments or fights is called a trouble maker or a naughty child. When we place such labels on children, we tend not to empathize with them. We begin perceiving the child as a trouble maker rather than just as a child. When we have such notions in our mind we subconsciously tend to treat our children differently. This can create a distance between the parents and the child. Moreover, when we assign labels to our children it becomes difficult to see why he or she behaves in such a manner. We are unable to get behind the reason for their behavior and help them overcome it. Thus we are unable to connect with the child and separate them from the problem. 

Parents need to understand that all behavior and emotions are temporary and can be molded. However, when we label a child with a personality trait, it becomes permanently engraved in their minds and has a long term effect.  

 

Labels are limiting

 

When we label our children we are limiting their abilities and talents. Even when labels are given with a good intention to encourage or motivate them it can be limiting.  We are engraving in to the minds of children that talents and skills are something you are born with and cannot be developed with practice and hard work. Therefore a child who has been categorized as athletic may not even attempt to solve mathematical aptitude problems believing that it is not their area. They may believe that it is impossible for them to be good at it because it is not them and they were not cut off for it. Hence, labelling can cause children to give up even before trying. Once such notions are etched in the minds of children, it is difficult to break free from them. 

Children who are not labeled are known to perform better in school and life on the whole, as they are not afraid to take on endeavors. 

 

Labelling breaks the hearts of children. 

 

Children are aware of the labels we give them. Sometimes, while talking to other adults about our children, we may refer to them with some labels and think the he/ she  is not aware of it, but children keenly listen to what is said about them. When they hear anything negative, they may feel bad and believe that it is true of them. This may also develop a low self-esteem in them. For example, when children are labelled shy or hyperactive, they may believe that normal emotions such as feeling shy and energetic are bad and hence they are also bad. 

 

Labelling children too early 

 

As parents, we get excited about every little thing our children do or say and tend to label them too early. When a child shows interest in outdoor sports we immediately label them as athletic or when a child shows interest in books we may call them the academic one. By doing this we are handing down our opinions on them rather than allowing them to explore and find their strengths on their own.

 

Labels are not accurate

 

As children grow, their behaviour and interests also change and evolve. A child who is aggressive and angry all the time may grow to be a gentle and kind. And a child who is shy, one moment may not be shy at other times. Therefore, it is not right to put children in a box and predict their future. Children can surprise us with their skills and ability to learn as they grow. 

 

Labelling makes it hard to discipline children

 

When we try to discipline a child who has been constantly labelled as stupid or aggressive, it is not effective. The child begins to believe that being stupid is in his or her nature and that it is impossible to change that. They might think why bother to even try to change as I’m bound to be stupid. This can be very detrimental for the well being of a child. Therefore, as the saying goes, label the behavior and not the child. By labelling the behavior the child is able to separate itself from the problem and be motivated to change. 

Conclusion 

Labelling children is like judging them for life. Even before they are given a chance we lay out their future for them. Labelling causes more harm than good even when done with the most positive intentions. 

Instead we need to separate the behavior from the child and only label the behavior. For example instead of calling a child stupid, you can say “you did a foolish thing, next time try to be wise” or instead labelling them violent, we can say “when you are angry you behave very violently, you should try to control your anger”. 

When we stop labelling our children, we begin to develop a better understanding of them and thus our relationship with them also improves. Therefore, let us stick to labelling boxes than our children.