Nothing could upset parents more than to watch their children fight and bicker over what seems like nothing at all. Sibling rivalry is the competition that children have when they vie for the love and attention of their parents. It is also the jealousy that siblings feel towards each other. Children may be close to each other one moment, and the next they fight. This upsets the calm of homes and worries parents, particularly as this continues in the children’s growth years.

Normally, this problem begins at the birth of a second child and continues through childhood. The problem of sibling rivalry is complex and does not have easy solutions.

Causes: There are many reasons that cause sibling rivalry, such as:

• Each sibling competes to define himself or herself as an individual. As they unravel their true selves, they find their interest, talents and activities and want to stand apart from their siblings on these bases.
• Children are resentful that their siblings get more parental love, attention, responsiveness and discipline.
• When there’s a new baby coming, older siblings might feel threatened.
• Depending on the stage of your older children’s mental, emotional and physical development, will depend their way of getting along together and whether there could be any rivalry among them.
• If parents are stressed out and don’t have much time for their children, it can lead to sibling rivalry and fights among the children.
• If children are under stress, they demonstrate it by exploding and being frustrated, leading to more fights.

 How to resolve sibling rivalry: Fortunately, there are many ways of resolving this unhappy situation called sibling rivalry. Parents can do a lot to ease the tension at home, and here are some leading ways to restore the peace and love at home:

• Find the source of the problem: All children want is to be loved, so a simple hug or a display of affection would go a long way. Each kid wants to be seen as different and special and want to prove this to their parents. Parents, in turn, need to appreciate and recognize their kids for this. The family background also plays a huge role in this. If, for example, the parents are always fighting, the children will see this as normal behaviour and resolve all conflicts by fighting. So, the quicker the parents get to the bottom of the matter, the quicker it can be resolved.
• Allow kids to resolve their own conflicts: Children should be given all the freedom to recognize their problems and find their own solutions to them. However, mistakes arise when parents mediate and end up taking one child’s side against the other’s, thereby escalating the problem. Instead, allow kids to find their own solution but they should be taught to do this without hurting each other.
• Avoid comparisons: Each child has his or her own inherent strengths and personality traits. If one is outgoing, the other is quiet. Accept each of your children as special and different without comparing them or pitting one against the other. Don’t say, “Look at Rebecca. She’s always so neatly dressed.” Some kids need a little prodding to keep themselves and their things tidy. Still, too much of comparisons can make one child not just fight with his sibling but end up hating her for life. So, be careful.
• Be a role model to your kids: For a child, his first learning ground is his home, and his parents his first teachers. So, parents should guard their tongues instead of lashing out at each other in front of their kids or they will end up behaving just like their parents. Try and build a family of love, trust and a congenial atmosphere instead of one of distrust and hatred.

The positive side to sibling rivalry: Though small things can set off huge quarrels and a lot of rivalry among siblings, yet there are many skills that they learn from all their bickering which can help them through life. This is the positive side of sibling rivalry. Let’s see which skills they learn:

• Problem-solving: Kids who see household chores as boring will try to delegate and divide work. As they move from doing and negotiating daily tasks, they pick up valuable skills like deal-making, skilful negotiation and diplomacy.
• Self-control: Siblings who are constantly in their way and arguing with them over small matters learn to keep their cool, which is a great skill. As adults, they hone the fine skill of keeping their anger under their belts. Such adults are highly emotionally intelligent. 

• Listening skills and empathy: Some kids speak to each other late into the night, discussing matters close to them. Such kids hone their listening and speaking skills by doing this and also become very empathetic by the time they reach their teens and can easily see the other person’s perspective.

Siblings may love and hate each other all at once, but it’s common knowledge that they are the best teachers to each other. From conflict resolution to problem solving to negotiation and much more, they teach each other how to love unconditionally and on their own terms.